My Entire 18 Will Be Filled With Hair Loss

My self-confidence has been decreasing since late July 2024. This is mainly because of my severe hair loss in July and August, it was really unpleasant. I don't know what I did that made my hair fall out severely like that. I'm still confused until now. I'll just say that my hair has been falling out frequently since this year, even though I often stay at home, often wash my hair, properly sleep, don't drink alcohol, don't smoke, don't use hair dryer and hair straightener (I don't have money to buy these devices.

Taken on Friday, 13 September, 2024 at 13:48 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Taken on Friday, 13 September, 2024 at 13:48 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Taken on Friday, 13 September, 2024 at 13:48 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Taken on Friday, 13 September, 2024 at 13:49 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Huh, almost all my 18 years of age I've been losing my hair. I don't really want to include psychological factors like stress because that seems inevitable to me in this environment. That means that my stress is caused entirely by my environment. Last year, 2023, my hair was thick and strong, to the point where one of my best fiends complimented me on it. I was generally proud of my hair last year, really. This was apart from my presumption that I might have body dysmorphia because of some presumed symptoms of it that I have.

I have asked the solutions for this to some of my best friends. Since September it seems like my hair loss has started to decrease but it is still ongoing. I'm still confused if the way I comb my hair affects my hair loss, because usually when I comb my hair, there is hair loss. I always thought my way of combing was always right, to the left, to the right and back. The comb I have is only a common toothed comb, there are no other types, I don't have enough money to buy another types of comb. Hmm, if I had more money I could take better care of my hair.

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram account on Saturday, 14 September, 2024.

It's Been A Long Time Since I Met College Friends Like This

Yokatta! It's been a long time since I met college friends like this. The last time was early 2023. So, on Tuesday, 21 May, I attended the weekly meeting of our English club by Indonesia Open University, only every Tuesday. It was so fun, I like it. 

Taken on Tuesday, 21 May, 2024 at 22:31 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Taken on Tuesday, 21 May, 2024 at 22:31 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

Later I'll tell you how I got into this English club. We have a WhatsApp group and from Monday to Friday, except Tuesday, we call in the group to practice our English. I will attend this meeting every week I hope it doesn't rain every Tuesday.

This is already very good, the meeting is only every week at the branch office of Indonesia Open University in Manado, starting at 7 pm. The distance between this office and my house is also quite far, hehe. 

This makes me healthy. I meet with friends at least once a week. The main thing is that I can meet friends, it's really fun. Even though they will come and go, I'm grateful to be friends with them now. Be happy because I am happy.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram account on Thursday, 23 May, 2024.

The third photo is from Anna (the one who wears glasses) and the fourth, fifth and sixth photos are from Florence (the one who wears glasses and blue shirt).

Distance Learning Makes Things A Lot Easier for Me

One of the reasons I entered the Indonesia Open University (Universitas Terbuka or UT) was because this university implemented a distance learning. This makes learning flexible. This makes things a lot easier for me, especially when it comes to my health. 

Taken on Thursday, 16 May, 2024 at 16:06 with Samsung Galaxy A05s.

I've always been used to studying independently, meaning I taught myself. This made it easier for me when I entered the Indonesia Open University which indirectly requires students to study independently. I have the ability to learn independently and I am proud of it.

I told my college friends that learning is anywhere and anytime. We don't really need to set a specific time to study, but back to each individual. I learn anywhere and anytime and I thank myself for that. If we are not used to studying it will be difficult to study later.

But of course there are weaknesses to the distance learning system, especially since it depends heavily on information and communications technology (ICT). There are still many people that don't know ICT and I know ICT. I thank myself for that.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram account on Wednesday, 22 May, 2024.

I Am A Very Calm Person

As the result of what my social environment did to me, especially my family, I become a very calm person even under a lot of pressure. It also means that I avoid conflict if I can. You know that if you try to understand me, if you are my friend, as I try to understand you.

Taken on Wednesday, 10 April, 2024 at 09:16 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Many people don't understand me and they can easily attack my personality subjectively. Some minor differences are exaggerated and of I'm tired of correcting many misunderstandings that have occurred. If there are controversies about me I will let it go as far as I can control it.

Changing myself is not easy, especially if I want to change the world. It's better to make small changes that work than big changes that don't work. I don't like forcing myself or other people, everyone will definitely change. We are always in a transition, either worse or better.

I enjoy the process by process that got me to where I am today, even until later. I am always grateful to myself and nature for this. That includes the bad things that happened to me. Forgive me if you think I was wrong, what is unforgivable in this world? Nothing.

The photo in this article was first published on my Facebook account on Saturday, 13 April, 2024.

I Didn't Force You, I Wanted You to Help Me

Okay, so there was an anonymous account on Instagram that sent me a screenshot of a post from one of my Facebook friends and the post was about me. It was a post just for friends and I was honestly confused at the time.

I was confused about why he, my Facebook friend, posted that and after I looked for his account it turned out he had unfriended me, I don't know since when. So that post said that I was actually a liberal and edgy person.

In that post, I noticed that one of my friends, who was also his friend, reacted to his post. I chatted her on Messenger and asked her to help me to screenshot that post and send it to me but she refused. That was the first time I asked her for help and she refused.

She then said that I didn't actually ask for help but dragged my problem onto someone else. How could she really didn't know my worries at that time and she said so. What did I say then to her? "Fuck you".

She then said that I was manipulative and forced people to ask for help. Since when did I become manipulative, you fucking bitch? I really don't understand with her at all. She also mocked me by saying "just cry" several times.

Very bad, I thought all this time she was my friend but it turns outs she wasn't my friend and this was my fault. I didn't feel anything wrong with cursing her, really. I just asked for simple help and she couldn't help because she didn't want to, not because she couldn't.

If you are reading this bitch, do  you want people to do the same thing to you that you did to me? You do not want it, right? Later, if someone asks for help, please help if you can, don't ignore it.

 

If she had helped me by sending me the screenshots, I wouldn't have posted this. I just want to know the reality of that post because I was informed from an anonymous account about that post. Of course I didn't immediately believe it, I was very worried.

I didn't understand the purpose of the anonymous account telling me about the post and of course I'm worried. What's worse is that there is one of my friends who I can't ask for help, that one bitch. Again, fuck you, okay, fuck you!

Regarding the post itself I already know what it is, it's somewhat political and with personal annoyance. I actually don't care about it, at least I know now. He said that I'm a liberal and edgy, hmm, I don't care and who would cares?

If you are reading this, the one who posted that post, I'm not against socialism okay. I actually support socialism but not consecrated socialism. But you must always remember that I believe in freedom. 

I think it's clear now, by my side of course. I have forgiven you bitch and I'm not manipulative and will never be manipulative. You need to understand this. Hopefully you will become a better individual in the future.

Always Be Nice to Me My Friends

I now always hope that all my new friends will be always nice to me and will never bully me. I'm always nice to all my friends. I'm already stressed enough at home, by my family especially my mother. I don't want to be stressed by my friends.

Taken on Thursday, 29 February, 2024 at 22:24 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

You know that I always try to maintain harmony in my relationship with you, my friends, let no small problem break our relationship. What I don't like most is if our differences in political choices damage our relationship (except for very fundamental things). Don't let it happen.

To avoid conflict as much as possible, I always do that, therefore I am very patient with many people including you my friends, you know what I mean. However, in our interactions or how we treat each other, there must be consent. If you don't like it, say it, don't be silent.

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

Our Friendship is More Important than What Happened in Palestine

If you follow me on many of my social networks such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or Tumblr you may have noticed that I rarely post anything related to Israel and Palestine, especially about the conflict that occurred between them. The only reason is because I don't want any conflict to occur in the comments section, especially on Facebook.

 

For all of my friends, there are many of you guys who are pro-Palestinian and pro-Israel, that's your choice. What about me? I'm pro Palestine but not in the way people might think. I try not to really show my views on this, I don't want our friendship to get worse because of this.

 

I support Palestine, I support the Palestinian people in fighting for their independence against the Israeli occupation. I support the two-state solution with pre-1967 borders. Hopefully one day, Palestine will be free, even if it would take a hundred years.

 

I don't want to lose friends just because of differences in opinions about Israel and Palestine. Whether you are pro Israel or pro Palestine, if you are my friend, you are my friend. I always maintain harmony in our relationship. 

 

It's not easy to find friends now, especially friends who can understand me as me. Please always be a good friend, I also always try to be a good friend. I don't really have any friends in real life. I need all of you. 

 

I hope you all understand this. Don't end our friendship just because of this. Our friendship is more important than what happened there, yes I said it so please don't be angry. Please always be nice to me, I always be nice to you too.

I've Been Feeling Empty Lately

I've been feeling empty lately, I can't explain it now. This relates to my relationship with 2 of my friends, one is my best friend and the other is also my best friend but apparently I misclassified her.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 16 December, 2023 at 00:37 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Guys, if you want to chat with me, please, feel free to send me a message. I've been feeling lonely lately, I need someone who wants to chat with me. Don't be shy with me, okay.

We deserve friends who want to listen to us, me, you, all of us. It is very unpleasant if we don't have any friends who want to listen to us. I have felt that and it makes me sad.

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Saturday, 16 December, 2023.

Story of the Day (Monday, 24 July, 2023)

Ah, what a hot day but I've got a referral letter from public health center to check the conditions of my eyes. I went to the public health center today with my mother.

I chose to check the condition of my eyes at the eye hospital. This referral letter is valid until 21 October, I still have 3 months to go to the eye hospital.

This photo was taken on Monday, 24 July, 2023 at 13:27 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

I'm having a really hard time not having glasses now, I have to have glasses again after my last glasses shattered last January. All the distant objects become blurry as fuck.

I'm a bit down actually today, my feeling of loneliness strikes me again. But thanks to my online besties like Ifa and Fency (she's my new bestie), they made me smile again after we're talking about 18+, it's so fun.

~ Sofia Rina (24/07/2023)

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

Story of the Day (Friday, 30 June, 2023)

From January to June it felt very fast, and I made little artworks during these first 6 months of 2023. Tomorrow is July, good, hopefully I can be more productive. I feel so lazy lah, even though there are many ideas that I want to make. 

I still have a lot of photos from last year to post, almost a year in my gallery. My original plan was to post everything from January to July but it turns out that there are still a lot of photos that haven't been posted yet.

The last few days I haven't chatted with my girlfriend, she's rarely active on the internet now, she said she wants to be more active in the real world, plus she has some mental health problems but I can understand it.

This photo was taken on Friday, 30 June, 20233 at 17:14 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my boarding house.

Ah, I miss Yara, my sixth ex-girlfriend. She was very talkative before, but we're still friends, she's my best friend (just like El, she is also my best friend), just rarely chat now. 

If it wasn't for Yara I wouldn't be enthusiastic about learning French (she graduated from the French Literature department at the University of Indonesia), although actually I studied French since last year.

For those my Muslim friends who are celebrating, I wish you a happy Eid al-Adha, 10 Dhul Hijjah 1444 Hijri (28-29 June 2023). I did not pray Eid prayer yesterday, haha.

~ Sofia Rina the Dancing Star (30/06/2023)

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

I Already Have an Identity Card!

Yokatta! Today I have got my identity card (Bahasa Indonesia: Kartu Tanda Penduduk, KTP). I feel very satisfied with this. After being patient enough, I finally got an ID card. I've been waiting long enough for this. Some of my best friends will be happy about this, those who have been following my stories since last year.

The process of collecting my personal data (such as taking a photo of my face, retina scans of my eyes, scans of my fingerprints and taking my signature) for making this identity card was carried out on 3 May, but just today i got my card. Thankfully, there was no problems occurred.

This photo was taken on Friday, 16 June, 2023 at 20:31 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's home.

My mother and I both went to the Manado City Citizenship and Civil Registration Office (Bahasa Indonesia: Dinas Kependudukan dan Pencatatan Sipil, Disdukcapil) to make this card. In addition, my mother also made the latest version of the family card (Bahasa Indonesia: Kartu Keluarga, KK) with QR code which has been introduced since 2021 by the government and today it was also finished.

I'm so happy now that I have an ID card! With this card my mobility can be very easy in the future. I remember last year when I was really thinking about what if I make my ID card somewhere else (not in this city, Manado or in this province, North Sulawesi) later if one day I can't stand with my family anymore.

~ Sofia Rina the Dancing Star (Friday, 16 June, 2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Facebook page on Friday, 16 June, 2022.

My Update for February 2023

I've been melancholic for some of these days actually but soon my melancholy will disappear. I sleep more often and hardly open social media. Ah, it's not good for me actually. I even lost interest in doing what used to be fun for me to do.

This photo was taken on Monday, 20 February, 2023 at 22:09 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

You know, I should take my diploma on Tuesday, 7 February, but it didn't happen. There was a typo in my name on my diploma that was made by the high school which made my mother furious with them. My mother has come to them again on Thursday, 9 February, to check if there was a new diploma or not and thankfully my new diploma has no typo in my name like before.

All last week I was supposed to go to my high school to take the diploma but didn't because I was too tired. It was because of my melancholy period, I fell asleep more often and was sad. Maybe tomorrow or two more days I will go to get my high school diploma.

On Saturday, 18 February, I went to the cinema to watch a film, it's Titanic (1997) in 3D version. It's my all time favorite film, even though I have watched it for so many times but I like to watch it again in cinema, it's the 25th anniversary of the film. It was my first time watching a film in cinema, my milestone. I watch it alone, no friends.

I just broke up with my girlfriend, we haven't even been in a month yet (30 January 2023-19 February 2023). It's better for us to break up than for our relationship to become toxic later. She's a transwoman (just transitioned for 3 months). I actually don't know what I have to like from her, we just met and she wants to be my girlfriend (I met her on Instagram on Saturday, 21 January, 2023). But, we're still friends, she's my close friend and vice versa.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (20/02/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Monday, 20 February, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/Co47VaJSPHh/

Story of the Day (Thursday, 9 February, 2023)

All day long I slept from 7am to 4pm. Yes, I was quite tired of writing yesterday. I should go out today but I didn't, but tomorrow hopefully I will.

Yesterday I should have gone to the public health center to check my blood type but it didn't work, today I should have gone too but it didn't work, hopefully tomorrow I can go.

My mother today went to my high school to check my diploma and my mother said my diploma was well written. Thankfully, so I only have to stamp 3 fingers on my diploma later, maybe next week I'll take my diploma.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 9 February, 2023 at 23:20 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

You know, I have chosen the university that I will enter later. I've talked about this with a lot of my friends and also my mother. Anyway, this university is very suitable for my current situation in many fields.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (09/02/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Thursday, 9 February, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CocnQTky5iq/

Story of the Day (Sunday, 5 February, 2023)

Aww, this day I was encouraging my own self that I can be better and I can improve a lot of my abilities, especially my language skills. I'm still learning many things, my knowledge and wisdom that will save me coupled with my strong mentality and charming personality.

This photo was taken on Sunday, 5 February, 2023 at 22:53 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Tomorrow (06/02/2023), My mother and I are planning to go to my high school to pay off my high school tuition debt of IDR 500,000. Hopefully after paying the tuition debt I can immediately take my high school diploma.

Tomorrow is the first day of studying at Sam Ratulangi University, my college friends are probably ready for the first day of their second semester. Ah, it's okay I will go to college again at another university that is better than that. I will continue my study, really.

Writing like this is good, when one day someone wants to insult me ​​or put me down based on my past story, I'm ready for that because I've told a lot about me from now until later. I also share stories about me with all of you, maybe we have similar or the same stories.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (05/02/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Sunday, 5 February, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CoSTC6DylMZ/

Story of the Day (Friday, 3 February, 2023)

Today was quite tiring but in general it was good because I had met my college friend and also my discussion partner, Boydo Saragih. He's a student of department of law and now he lives in student dormitory of Sam Ratulangi University.

This photo was taken on Friday, 3 February, 2023 at 17:10 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in student dormitory of Sam Ratulangi University.

This photo was taken on Friday, 3 February, 2023 at 17:03 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in student dormitory of Sam Ratulangi University.

Today is my first day to campus in 2023, it's been a long time since I haven't been to campus since December 2022, I usually come every Friday. I'll see if I come next Friday or not.

I'm a bit annoyed actually because I don't know why after I updated Instagram, the size of my photo is cropped when I want to post even though the size is still allowed, shit. I don't like this, really.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (03/02/2023)

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Friday, 3 February, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CoNLyBTS3Xx/

Story of the Day (Tuesday, 31 January, 2023)

It's the end of January 2023, I haven't done anything significant this January but there really isn't anything for me to regret. It's realy not me if I just keep quiet but I really don't have any plans for 2023, it's really confusing actually.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 31 January, 2023 at 23:25 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

I will see what I will do next February, I don't know if next February will be the same as this January or not. I don't have any hope and I don't have any plans, at least I'm still alive because my existence is very important for the world. I know it, I really know it.

A new friend, a new best friend, a new girlfriend, a new lover. We are only separated by distance, we are quite far apart in age but the age difference is not a problem for me. I love her and she loves me, we'll meet someday. Our relationship will be long, I know it.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (31/01/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Tuesday, 31 January, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CoFdXGUS95q/

Story of the Day (Monday, 30 January, 2023)

Lately I've seen a lot of WhatsApp statuses or Instagram stories of my college friends about airplane or airport. You know, I miss flying and I miss the atmosphere of the airport. I hope I can fly again later (definitely to Java Island).

This photo was taken on Monday, 30 January, 2023 at 16:13 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my boarding house.

This photo was taken on Monday, 30 January, 2023 at 16:13 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my boarding house.

This photo was taken on Monday, 30 January, 2023 at 16:13 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my boarding house.

If I'm already in Java I will meet all my internet friends and especially my best friends. It's one of my dreams to meet all my internet friends. I'll realize this dream, for sure. I think, we have to meet many kinds of people so we can adapt well with others.

I slept only 5 hours today, from 7am to 12am, at least I slept well so I feel energized when I wake up. I mopped the floor of my room in my boarding house, it was dirty. I don't like dirtiness, I like to be hygiene.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (30/01/2023)

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Sunday, 30 January, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CoC4_W0SyeQ/

Story of the Day (Sunday, 29 January, 2023)

Ah, yesterday and today went really well. I didn't have any problems yesterday and today. My best friend Yara was really really kind to me we've only been friends for about 1 week but she and I are already best friends. I also miss Clara too, she's one of my best friends, I haven't chatted with her for over a week, I have asked her about her condition today and she's fine. She says she is busy with her job now, I appreciate that.

This photo was taken on Sunday, 29 January, 2023 at 17:29 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandma's backyard.

Yara lives in Jakarta and Clara lives in Yogyakarta. Yara doesn't have a girlfriend now and Clara has a girlfriend (her name is Javi and she lives in Semarang, Central Java). Me and them both have an age difference of 8 years, they were both born in 1997 while I was in 2005. Sometimes I like to flirt them, I love them both, they both are my closest best friends until now. We are part of LGBT community.

There is one of my friends from Medan, North Sumatra who will come to Manado on 31 January, his name is Boydo, he is my college friend from Faculty of Law of Sam Ratulangi University. I sometimes like to discuss with him about existing social issues via WhatsApp.

Boydo plans to live in the student dormitory of Sam Ratulangi University. He wants me to accompany him in campus on 31 January to take care about the requirements to stay in student dormitory, he is the first time here and also I am his closest friend here. I hope I can accompany him.

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (29/01/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Sunday, 29 January, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CoARDnzSMYs/

Story of the Day (Sunday, 22 January, 2023)

I got a new best friend two days ago, she's a transwoman and a lesbian. Okay, long story short she is very good in French whereas I am still in basic. French is one of 24 languages ​​I'm currently learning.

This photo was taken on Sunday, 22 January, 2023 at 07:43 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my boarding house.

But it's good, I can practice my French with her. One thing that might make learning French difficult is the pronunciation, this is a common issue but if you want to know you will know. Always practice okay!

Anyway, happy Chinese New Year "Year of the Rabbit". I have Chinese descent from my paternal grandmother (my mother told me so).

~ Sofia the Dancing Star (22/01/2023)

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Sunday, 22 January, 2023.

Source/Reference

https://www.instagram.com/p/CnuOhtaSERz/

My Activity in Campus (01/12/2022)

On Thursday, 1 December, 2022 I went to campus at 3 pm to attend a technical meeting of the new members of the Scout Student Activity Unit of Sam Ratulangi University. The one who told me to go to campus was Shawn Mamuaja, he is my senior, we were both majoring in English literature, Now he is in his 5th semester.

Our meeting was not long, only half an hour at that time. The new members were actually only 6 people including me but only 5 came. So we discussed technical matters regarding the implementation of acceptance of new members, namely in the form of an indoor camp at the Scout Building, North Sario Sub-district, Sario District, Manado, North Sulawesi, Indonesia.

These are some photos of me and them, on my left is Shawn Mamuaja and on my right is Junixti, he is a new member of the campus scouts too like me, he is a student of department of public administration of faculty of social and political sciences.

Shawn said to me that I don't have to wear my college suit but it's better if I wear it because this meeting doesn't require us to wear suit, the important thing is that the clothes we wear are polite and neat.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 1 December, 2022 at 17:27 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

I actually don't want to post this because it's been too long but I think it's okay.

I met some of my friends while on campus that day. On that day there was a meeting of participants who passed KIP-Kuliah (Kartu Indonesia Pintar-Kuliah, Indonesia Smart Card-College) acceptance in the Auditorium of Sam Ratulangi University. I promised some of my friends that after my scout meeting was over I would go to them and finally be able to meet. These are some photos of me with my college friends near the auditorium:

I'm with Nirmala Sudarman, she is a student of department of architecture of faculty of engineering.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 1 December, 2022 at 18:24 with Samsung Galaxy A10s. 

I'm with Jovanca Aslin Pasuhuk, she is a student of department of water resources management of faculty of fisheries and marine science.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 1 December 2022 at 18:31 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

I'm with my college friends, Veronika Monika Rorimpandey (who took the photo) from department of public administration, Anisa Kasim (on my left) from department of public administration and Trifena Latreia Eirene Mamahit (blonde hair) from department of law. 

I'm with my college friends, Lince Liling Pesik (who took the photo) from department of law, Erwin Mesa Langi (on the far right in the photo) from department of accounting, Ayulorenzia Eztevani Vaolana from department of history and Martino Rista Resita from department of English literature.

Media Source

• https://www.instagram.com/p/Clyi0rSyES7/
• https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl0XBxISvX4/
• https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl0hqPPSQl2/
• https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl0omVxySfY/
• https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl5zGHYS_vr/
• https://www.instagram.com/p/Cl5-BMKSpX3/