My Mother is Toxic

I've been suffering all this time, mainly mentally. Don't take this philosophically, I am indeed suffering. My self quality has increased but my life quality has not increased. This is complex, there are many people to blame, not to mention my family especially my mother. It really sucks, fuck. 

This photo was taken on Saturday, 11 November, 2023 at 03:34 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Can you stand it if your family insults you or cursed you almost every day? My mother from the past until now really likes to do that to me (although now the intensity is less). But my mother also gave me almost as much affection as she insulted me. So, I'm actually in a bit of a dilemma, I'm confused.

But my mother is toxic like this because my grandmother was toxic to her too. My mother was never loved by my grandmother when she was little, my mother was only loved by my late grandfather. My mother shouldn't be toxic but she became toxic because of my grandmother, not to mention because she was bullied at the school where she works.

My mother was bullied at school where she worked, not because she did something wrong, but because people were mean to her. There are many reasons, such as because my mother is smart, honest and sincere at work. My mother is different from others.

I was also often bullied when I was at school by my friends. The reasons my friends bullied me were almost the same as my mother's work friends bullied her. My thoughts, my personality, my honesty, most of my friends didn't like it. I'm different from others.

I hope I won't be toxic like my mother. I have survived this toxic environment all this time without becoming toxic. My mother has become toxic, she has been poisoned by this toxic environment. Sometimes I feel that I am starting to have my mother's bad qualities, such as being irritable, but thankfully I'm not like that. My emotional state is stable.

I must leave this toxic environment, I must leave my toxic family, I must leave my toxic mother. The city where I live now, Manado, is toxic, the people are toxic. For example, cursing is common here. Even though I will meet other toxic people elsewhere, I must leave. Advice for you, leave the toxic place (or toxic people) that has made you suffer.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Saturday, 11 November, 2023.