I've Been Feeling Empty Lately

I've been feeling empty lately, I can't explain it now. This relates to my relationship with 2 of my friends, one is my best friend and the other is also my best friend but apparently I misclassified her.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 16 December, 2023 at 00:37 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Guys, if you want to chat with me, please, feel free to send me a message. I've been feeling lonely lately, I need someone who wants to chat with me. Don't be shy with me, okay.

We deserve friends who want to listen to us, me, you, all of us. It is very unpleasant if we don't have any friends who want to listen to us. I have felt that and it makes me sad.

The photo in this article was first published on my Instagram on Saturday, 16 December, 2023.

Have You Ever Tried Making Eggs Like This?

I'm bored with omelettes and sunny side up eggs so I made this. Is this a scrambled egg? I cracked the egg on a hot frying pan then I stirred it there. 

This photo was taken on Monday, 4 December, 2023 at 05:50 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Monday, 4 December, 2023 at 05:53 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

The photos in this article were first published in this article.

Maybe I Won't be Able to Survive in This Crazy Family

Maybe I won't be able to survive in this crazy family for long. I could be as crazy as them later, fuck. Almost every day there is a commotion, starting from very simple things. There are harsh words every day. Expecting this family to be good is impossible.

Hating is a must, everyone hates each other. Whether I hate them or not hate them I will still get sick because of them. In fact, I'm actually a little sick now because of them. I must leave this family, I must. Fuck you all in this house, really, I don't care with you all.

This photo was taken on Wednesday, 29 November, 2023 at 23;00 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's room.

I haven't left them because I'm still waiting, waiting for the worst time so I can leave. In the past I was just waiting for a time when this family could be better but it turned out to be impossible. Everyone in this house is full of grudges, grudges with life, except me.

There are many more. By writing this, it calms me down. I have to write this evilly, yes evilly, that's how my mother told me that I am 'evil' by writing bad things about this family but everything I have written is true including this. I only did this to my family, I wouldn't do this to anyone other than my family, really.

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

I Smile When I Shouldn't Smile

You know that I rarely post photos when I'm smiling so these are some of my photos when I'm smiling. Actually, I'm currently under pressure and smiling doesn't seem like a good idea for me now. I told to myself that I will get out from that pressure someday, I'm waiting for that time.

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

We are always becoming, we never become this or that, we are always becoming something, me too. Never stop, always progressing. My friends and best friends, let's progress together.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Monday, 13 November, 2023.

My Mother is Toxic

I've been suffering all this time, mainly mentally. Don't take this philosophically, I am indeed suffering. My self quality has increased but my life quality has not increased. This is complex, there are many people to blame, not to mention my family especially my mother. It really sucks, fuck. 

This photo was taken on Saturday, 11 November, 2023 at 03:34 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

Can you stand it if your family insults you or cursed you almost every day? My mother from the past until now really likes to do that to me (although now the intensity is less). But my mother also gave me almost as much affection as she insulted me. So, I'm actually in a bit of a dilemma, I'm confused.

But my mother is toxic like this because my grandmother was toxic to her too. My mother was never loved by my grandmother when she was little, my mother was only loved by my late grandfather. My mother shouldn't be toxic but she became toxic because of my grandmother, not to mention because she was bullied at the school where she works.

My mother was bullied at school where she worked, not because she did something wrong, but because people were mean to her. There are many reasons, such as because my mother is smart, honest and sincere at work. My mother is different from others.

I was also often bullied when I was at school by my friends. The reasons my friends bullied me were almost the same as my mother's work friends bullied her. My thoughts, my personality, my honesty, most of my friends didn't like it. I'm different from others.

I hope I won't be toxic like my mother. I have survived this toxic environment all this time without becoming toxic. My mother has become toxic, she has been poisoned by this toxic environment. Sometimes I feel that I am starting to have my mother's bad qualities, such as being irritable, but thankfully I'm not like that. My emotional state is stable.

I must leave this toxic environment, I must leave my toxic family, I must leave my toxic mother. The city where I live now, Manado, is toxic, the people are toxic. For example, cursing is common here. Even though I will meet other toxic people elsewhere, I must leave. Advice for you, leave the toxic place (or toxic people) that has made you suffer.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Saturday, 11 November, 2023.

RIP My Cat Kiksa

RIP Kiksa (November 2019-9 November 2023). She is my most beloved cat. My sister found Kiksa in the morning in my late grandfather's car. I don't know how long she was in the car, I also don't know how she got in, maybe she got in when the window was open but the window was closed when my sister found her. The last time I saw her was on 6 November. My mother had buried her at noon. Hmm, maybe she's tired of living, she's been a bit sick the last few months.

Kiksa rarely went home throughout October because she was pregnant, at the end of the month she gave birth to a kitten. I should have 3 cats now because Kiksa died but because she gave birth to a kitten I still have 4 cats. I haven't given this new cat a name yet. I have many memories with Kiksa.

I Have Always Been Attacked by Feelings of Loneliness Lately

I have always been attacked by feelings of loneliness lately and usually at midnight. It's hard to get rid of it because the reality is that I am lonely. Not to mention stress, laziness and boredom and all of these sometimes appear together.

I can't be like this because I have to do my college assignments, I have to do it all. There's still a lot that I haven't finished yet. I also want to write scripts for my upcoming videos on YouTube and TikTok about linguistics. Guys, hope me the best.

I Feel So Pressured Lately

Yeah, this photo wil be my profile picture for many of my accounts until I want to change. It's hard to find a good perspective if your background is not good. Hope me to have a better living place. I'm attractive for those who attracted to me.

This photo was taken on Sunday, 29 October, 20233 at 22:10 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

It's difficult to be difficult but once I get difficult it's difficult to not be difficult anymore, just get through it until I feel it's over. I feel so pressured lately and got so many stress, I also losing my personal space. That's why I rarely post something now.

I don't know how many people romanticizing mental health issues or some related things but I'm romanticizing it too and I'm one of those who have mental health issues. This is real you know. Not gonna lie, this sucks but makes a missing feeling.

Well, I guess I know the problem, I've barely had any sun in all of October, my fault but also not my fault, it's complex. This is not an easy situation, if you know you know. I rarely even get moonlight. I often stay in the room while doing my college assignments.

If you love me you will always love me, if you hate me you will always hate me, this is what i know now. I'm 'kind' for those who love me and I'm 'evil' for those who hate me. I question why people love me and why people hate me, I need reasons.

Hey internet, use your algorithm and promote me, I'm promoting myself now. I don't know if I've said this before but I want to make a video for my YouTube. I'm tired of not really being me, a bit late to say this but I think will say this again later.

By the way, I love ASMR. I have always love ASMR since I know it in 2016. I would like to be an ASMR artist someday, I think it would be fun and relaxing, either for me and for another internet users.

The photo in this article was first published on my Tumblr blog on Monday, 30 October, 2023.

Checking My Eye Condition

Yesterday my mother and I went to the eye hospital to have my eyes checked. Yokatta, there wasn't any problem with my eyes after being examined with a tool that has a camera and flashlight to check the eyes by the ophthalmologist. She gave me medicine and eye drops.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 19 October, 2023 at 13:31 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 19 October, 2023 at 13:36 with Samsung Galaxy A10s. This is the water control room of the building.

Even though I and my mother were waiting for my name to be called, it wasn't as long as when I came there on 10 August because this is just a check up. My mother told me that the doctor was vea that time.

The photos in this article were first published in this article.

My New Glasses (5th)

Look, I have a new glasses! This is my 5th glasses, my mother ordered this online and the package was received on Sunday, 27 August, 2023. Now I don't have to struggle to see distant objects. What do you think about my new glasses? I like cat eye glasses. With cat eye glasses it can add me more feminine and sophisticated look.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 2 September, 2023 at 16:21 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandma's backyard.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 2 September, 2023 at 16:21 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandma's backyard.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 2 September, 2023 at 16:22 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandma's backyard.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 2 September, 2023 at 16:29 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandma's backyard.

Cat eye glasses first appeared in 1930s and became so popular in 1950s and 1960s (I'll write more about cat eye glasses later). With so many eyewear companies now the price of glasses is not that expensive now like in the past. My glasses cost almost close to IDR 300,000.

On Thursday, 10 August, 2023 I and my mother went to the eye hospital to check the condition of eyes. Thankfully there are no problems with my eyes and yeah my scale of nearsightedness has increased (the numbers are secret) I should have written this last month but I was lazy.

I should make another article about my visit to the eye hospital last month but I think it's good if I post my photos in the eye hospital in this article, so these are the photos:

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 10:28 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 10:32 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 14:23 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 15:10 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 15:11 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

This photo was taken on Thursday, 10 August, 2023 at 15:11 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

The photos in this article were first published in this article.

My College Suit of Indonesia Open University

These are my photos wearing my college suit of Indonesia Open University (Universitas Terbuka, UT). As you can see, the color of this suit is yellow. I and my mother went to the branch office of UT on Thursday last week (10/08/2023) and bought this suit, the price of this suit is IDR 200,000. This jacket fabric could be better, but it might be more expensive.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:13 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:13 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:11 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:03 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:16 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:01 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:00 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 09:00 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:54 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:54 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:51 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:46 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:45 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:45 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

This photo was taken on Tuesday, 15 August, 2023 at 08:43 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my grandmother's backyard.

The photos in this article were first published in this article.

Story of the Day (Monday, 24 July, 2023)

Ah, what a hot day but I've got a referral letter from public health center to check the conditions of my eyes. I went to the public health center today with my mother.

I chose to check the condition of my eyes at the eye hospital. This referral letter is valid until 21 October, I still have 3 months to go to the eye hospital.

This photo was taken on Monday, 24 July, 2023 at 13:27 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

I'm having a really hard time not having glasses now, I have to have glasses again after my last glasses shattered last January. All the distant objects become blurry as fuck.

I'm a bit down actually today, my feeling of loneliness strikes me again. But thanks to my online besties like Ifa and Fency (she's my new bestie), they made me smile again after we're talking about 18+, it's so fun.

~ Sofia Rina (24/07/2023)

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

My Semester 1 Book Package of Indonesia Open University

Two days ago I've received my book package from Indonesia Open University (Universitas Terbuka, UT). These are books for this first semester of academic year 2023/2024. I will get these books again next semester. The package consists of 6 textbooks (because I have 6 courses) 2 catalog books and 1 brochure.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 14:16 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 14:23 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 14:30 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 14:32 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 14:33 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This package was delivered by post. Before being delivered to the house, the delivery officer called me first on WhatsApp to ask for the location of the house. I thought he was not far from home but he just wanted to deliver. My mother received the package at the fence.

For "Pendidikan Agama Islam" (Islamic education) course.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:24 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:25 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:27 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:28 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:29 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:29 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:30 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:30 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:31 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

This photo was taken on Saturday, 15 July, 2023 at 15:31 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's house.

For "Bahasa Indonesia" (Indonesian Language) course.

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For "Bahasa Inggris" (English Language) course.

For "Structure 1" course.

 

For "Basic Reading" course.

For "Basic Writing" course.

These are the catalog books.

These are the catalog books that I took from branch office of UT in Manado. This is the 2020 printout for the 2020/2021 academic year.

Ah, I love the smell of new books, hmm. I really want to bite into these books. The book paper is newsprint (hope I'm right, the paper is a bit rough and slightly yellow). Thank you UT.

The photos in this article were first published in this article.