Maybe I Won't be Able to Survive in This Crazy Family

Maybe I won't be able to survive in this crazy family for long. I could be as crazy as them later, fuck. Almost every day there is a commotion, starting from very simple things. There are harsh words every day. Expecting this family to be good is impossible.

Hating is a must, everyone hates each other. Whether I hate them or not hate them I will still get sick because of them. In fact, I'm actually a little sick now because of them. I must leave this family, I must. Fuck you all in this house, really, I don't care with you all.

This photo was taken on Wednesday, 29 November, 2023 at 23;00 with Samsung Galaxy A10s in my mother's room.

I haven't left them because I'm still waiting, waiting for the worst time so I can leave. In the past I was just waiting for a time when this family could be better but it turned out to be impossible. Everyone in this house is full of grudges, grudges with life, except me.

There are many more. By writing this, it calms me down. I have to write this evilly, yes evilly, that's how my mother told me that I am 'evil' by writing bad things about this family but everything I have written is true including this. I only did this to my family, I wouldn't do this to anyone other than my family, really.

The photo in this article was first published in this article.

I Smile When I Shouldn't Smile

You know that I rarely post photos when I'm smiling so these are some of my photos when I'm smiling. Actually, I'm currently under pressure and smiling doesn't seem like a good idea for me now. I told to myself that I will get out from that pressure someday, I'm waiting for that time.

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

This photo was taken on Monday, 13 November, 2023 at 08:00 with Asus laptop (my sister's laptop).

We are always becoming, we never become this or that, we are always becoming something, me too. Never stop, always progressing. My friends and best friends, let's progress together.

The photos in this article were first published on my Instagram on Monday, 13 November, 2023.

RIP My Cat Kiksa

RIP Kiksa (November 2019-9 November 2023). She is my most beloved cat. My sister found Kiksa in the morning in my late grandfather's car. I don't know how long she was in the car, I also don't know how she got in, maybe she got in when the window was open but the window was closed when my sister found her. The last time I saw her was on 6 November. My mother had buried her at noon. Hmm, maybe she's tired of living, she's been a bit sick the last few months.

Kiksa rarely went home throughout October because she was pregnant, at the end of the month she gave birth to a kitten. I should have 3 cats now because Kiksa died but because she gave birth to a kitten I still have 4 cats. I haven't given this new cat a name yet. I have many memories with Kiksa.

I Have Always Been Attacked by Feelings of Loneliness Lately

I have always been attacked by feelings of loneliness lately and usually at midnight. It's hard to get rid of it because the reality is that I am lonely. Not to mention stress, laziness and boredom and all of these sometimes appear together.

I can't be like this because I have to do my college assignments, I have to do it all. There's still a lot that I haven't finished yet. I also want to write scripts for my upcoming videos on YouTube and TikTok about linguistics. Guys, hope me the best.

I Feel So Pressured Lately

Yeah, this photo wil be my profile picture for many of my accounts until I want to change. It's hard to find a good perspective if your background is not good. Hope me to have a better living place. I'm attractive for those who attracted to me.

This photo was taken on Sunday, 29 October, 20233 at 22:10 with Samsung Galaxy A10s.

It's difficult to be difficult but once I get difficult it's difficult to not be difficult anymore, just get through it until I feel it's over. I feel so pressured lately and got so many stress, I also losing my personal space. That's why I rarely post something now.

I don't know how many people romanticizing mental health issues or some related things but I'm romanticizing it too and I'm one of those who have mental health issues. This is real you know. Not gonna lie, this sucks but makes a missing feeling.

Well, I guess I know the problem, I've barely had any sun in all of October, my fault but also not my fault, it's complex. This is not an easy situation, if you know you know. I rarely even get moonlight. I often stay in the room while doing my college assignments.

If you love me you will always love me, if you hate me you will always hate me, this is what i know now. I'm 'kind' for those who love me and I'm 'evil' for those who hate me. I question why people love me and why people hate me, I need reasons.

Hey internet, use your algorithm and promote me, I'm promoting myself now. I don't know if I've said this before but I want to make a video for my YouTube. I'm tired of not really being me, a bit late to say this but I think will say this again later.

By the way, I love ASMR. I have always love ASMR since I know it in 2016. I would like to be an ASMR artist someday, I think it would be fun and relaxing, either for me and for another internet users.

The photo in this article was first published on my Tumblr blog on Monday, 30 October, 2023.